Archives for the ‘Humor’ Category
Top Ten explanations for Mayor Kevin Johnson’s canceled wedding
By M. Johnston • Aug 25th, 2010 |The mayor’s celebrity wedding to school czar Michelle Rhee has been canceled. No one’s buying the official reason (“we just want a smaller event with immediate friends and family”) so here are the top 10 probable reasons.
10. Angelo Tsakopoulos said his house was no longer available for the reception after learning his name had been [...]
Tretheway concedes, Angelique Ashby takes District 1 council seat
By M. Johnston • Jun 18th, 2010 |Congrats to “my girl.” That’s what I was told Angelique was a ways back. “Your girl Angelique..” But really, she’s not “my girl” for the record. Angelique’s my “shawty.” Get it right, people. My GIRL (my wife) isn’t the political type. Matter of fact–if I might customarily digress for a few moments–my girl is actually [...]
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By M. Johnston • Jun 7th, 2010 |Natomas Radio (Audio File Attached!)
Ray sits in his office with a small group of people. Suddenly Staffer2 comes crashing into the room, out of breath, his eyes wide and completely out of breath. He is holding his iPhoneand pointing to it.
Staffer2: SIR! BREAKING NEWS!!!
Ray: Gadzooks! You scared the sugar out of me! !
Redacted woman: What [...]
21 Days of Tretheway: Campaign Conversations (Day 3)
By M. Johnston • Jun 5th, 2010 |An Oldie but a Goodie
Ray and his staffers sit in Baskin Robbins eating ice cream.
Staffer: Sir the YouTube campaign did not work as some had hoped.
Rat [licking ice cream cone]: Do what now?
Staffer: Well after the sign-grabbing incident, someone went on YouTube and created a whole bunch of user accounts with names like “NatomasCreekside” which [...]
21 Days of Tretheway: Campaign Conversations (Day 4)
By M. Johnston • Jun 4th, 2010 |Morning Briefing
Staffer: Sir polls show you are significantly behind in the council race for district 1.
Ray: Who cares what the polls say.
Staffer: Well, most–
Ray: Let me tell you something sunshine. I have been standing up for neighborhoods without anyone’s help for many many years, and—- [phone rings, Ray presses speaker button]
Ray: Yellow, Tretheway here
21 Days of Tretheway: Campaign Conversations (Day 5)
By M. Johnston • Jun 3rd, 2010 |Cracking the Code
Ray sits at his Sac Tree office desk with a woman in a bonnet sitting in front of him reading the newspaper. We have redacted her name from our transcripts. Ray is on speaker phone on a conference call with his staffers and unidentified people.
Ray: Ok so what do you have to report [...]
21 Days of Tretheway: Campaign Conversations (Days 6 and 7)
By admin • Jun 3rd, 2010 |Team KJ — Don’t Be Late
Ray sits around conference table as staffers read him bits and pieces of news they’ve collected
Staffer: Kings rookie Tyreke Evans got arrested for doing 100 mph in his Mercedes.
Ray [alarmed]: In MY district?
Staffer: No over near Citrus Heights.
Ray: Maybe he had a good reason to be speeding.. where was he [...]
21 Days of Tretheway: Campaign Conversations (Days 8 & 9)
By M. Johnston • Jun 1st, 2010 |Precinct Walk
Ray is strolling along North Natomas streets with staffers jogging up to doors and greeting residents.
Staffer at doorway of home: Hello sir I represent Councilman Ray Tretheway how are– [DOOR SLAMS]
Staffer2 at another home: Is your mommy or daddy here?
Child in doorway: Who are you and what do you want?
Staffer2 in child-like voice: I [...]
21 Days of Tretheway: Campaign Conversations (Day 11)
By M. Johnston • May 29th, 2010 |War Chest Dilemma
Ray sits with his staffers and an unidentified woman wearing a bonnet over her head in a cafe somewhere in downtown Sacramento. The woman’s name has been redacted from our transcripts.
Staffer: Sir you have approximately $82,000 in your campaign war chest. How do you want to spend it?
Ray [without missing a beat]: Elvis [...]
Ray Tretheway likens domain name flap to “Amber Alert”
By M. Johnston • May 28th, 2010 |Sacramento Press ran an article about how Ray Tretheway considers the registering of a domain name bearing the likeness of his name “identity theft.” Disrespecting every child who has ever been kidnapped and every parent who has suffered tremendous pain as a result, Ray likened this flap to “an amber alert.”
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