You heard it here first!! Joe Sac has obtained an exclusive phone transcript that chronicles a secretly taped conference call between Sacramento Mayor Heather Fargo, and council member minions Ray Tretheway and Rob Fong.  This call has not been edited or censored in any way, so parental guidance is highly recommended for small children.  As you read this, please bear in mind this was transcribed by a Joe Sac reader and can NOT be validated for accuracy!

[Fargo dials Tretheway]

Ray: Yellow

Heather: Hi Ray?

Ray: Yellow?

Heather: It’s me.

Ray: Oh hello sir ..what up home skittles.. hee hee

Heather: I told you to call me “Heater,” not Heather

Ray: Why Heater, cuz you’re HOT sir?  hee hee

Heather: No you idiot because a heater is what they call GUNS out in the hood–oh fer cryin out loud Ray are you mental? Wait–don’t answer that.

Ray: Hey no, I’m cool with that sir–sorry–I uh, hey listen with the new gang tax and all..  in the spirit of getting in character.. I was wondering if I could be called ‘Ice Tray’ .. kinda like ‘Ice Cube’ but–

Heather: [interrupting] We need to get Fong on the phone. I’m going to conference him in hang on a sec’

Ray: Okee doke, sure thing sir, but can you at least call me TRAY? See cuz  tray is like a hood name too and it was the same name of that guy in Boyz in Da Hood and it–

:silence:

Ray: Hello? Hello? Sir?

:silence:

Heather: Hello? Is everyone on the call now?

Fong: Yup, present and accounted for sir. BOO YAH!  No worries at all.

Heather: Stop being vile Bob

Fong: It’s ROB, like “Rob the taxpayers” get it?

Heather: That’s fine. Whatever it takes to shut you up for a cotton pickin’ minute

Ray: Hey uh hey, that uh, cotton pickin’ thing… that’s uh, that’s not PC,  that’s kinda like—

Heather: WILL BOTH OF YOU P L E A S E  SHUT   UP!!!!?????????????

Fong: No worries.

Heather: [whining to herself] For the love of city hall I can’t think straight!!

Fong: What else is new boss?

Fong/Ray: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Heather: HA HA HA. Real funny. Now listen. Ok look, We need to talk ANTI GANG TAX. We’re taxin gangs. Gangin up on the gangs. Reapin’ what we’re sowin. Are you two homeyz picking up what I’m straight up flowin?

Fong: Word to that boss, but uh.. we’re not taxing GANGS. We’re taxing PEOPLE.. so we can FIGHT gangs.

Heather: Do WHAT??!!

Fong: [dismissive] No worries. Hey listen I was thinking, we need a slug line for the new tax push. A theme. A brand. Something catchy!

Ray: Yeah like, [sings] “We love to fly and it shows” .. something real slick like that.

Fong: Uh no, Ray, that is.. [sighs impatiently].. that is f-ing a hundred and forty years old !

HEather: SHUT UP!!! We don’t need a stinking ‘brand name’ you idiot. We just need VOTES! Votes! Votes!

Ray: Uh well, that might be a bit of a challenge sir because the errrr record reflects votes aren’t r-really your strong point, s-sir.

Fong: Hahahahahahahahah. Now THAT was funny, Ray Ray! VOTES! Get it? hehehe

Heather: [Bangs receiver on desk loudly repeatedly, sound of glass breaking in background] STOP ACTING LIKE MORONS AND LISTEN TO ME! If you don’t get me some VOTES for this tax I am going to be CODE 4 come January!! Do you copy me??   CODE 4!!

Ray: Uh, shoot, what’s a uh c-code f-four sir?

Fong: Oh my GOD Ray..

Ray: Wha–

Fong: Ray Ray Ray …. you call yourself a crimefighter and you don’t even know what a code 4 is?  I am going to start calling you Ray McCain. Fo’ shizzle my nizzle

Heather: CODE FOUR  means NO ASSISTANCE NEEDED. Even I knew that! And if I don’t get this crappy tax passed for this… this… [mocking] criiiiime problem, or whatever stupid thing that Johnson feller calls it, I will be CODE FOUR at city hall.. oh geez…I’m gettin light-headed again,… [calling out away from phone] Hey sugar pop can you bring mama a nice lil’ Gin ‘n’ Juice?

Fong: Yo you gots ta shillllll , knowmsayin ?

Heather: Stop being vile ROB.

Ray: Hey, changing gears for a quick, just trying to brush up on my errr slang here, what’s a hollerback girl?

Heather: Oh PUH-LEEZE shut up for a minute and let me enjoy this drink [sounds of gulping and ice clinking in glass] …   ahhhhhhhh…. NOW I’m ready for some brainstormin’! Now I’m loungin’ and col’ shillin.  Y’all boys ready to start brainstorming up ways we can get us some votes or WHAT!? Ready,…. on yalls marks.. .get set… aaaaaaaand  [ice clinking in glass again]  GO!!

:silence:

Heather: Well??

:silence:

Heather: Yall still there??

:silence:

Heather: I’ma recall and fire both of yall if you don’t talk to me right this second.

Fong: Gosh, sorry [sulky] I was brainstorming already!

Ray: Yeah! M-me too sir!

Heather: What the Dickinson kind of brainstorming is that, you clucks? You mean to tell me— you know what [resigned, and out of patience] that’s it, I am getting Roger on the phone. [hold music can be heard]

Ray: Uh ohhhhhhhh

Fong: No worries. Wait– ROGER?????? That’s wrong!

Ray: B-bye Fong I’m peacin’ out

Fong: Ok peace out I am code 3

:click:

:click:

[hold music stops, someone picks up the line]

Dickinson: what the DEVIL are you two little pinheads doin makin Heater all mad like that,  brainfartin and playing grab ass?  Who said you two pansies could sit back and do absolutely NOTHING on taxpayer time like a couple of freeloading freddies? Only **I*** have earned that right!!!  I am sick and tired of having to mop the floor with you two !!

:silence:

Heather: Aw geez, I think they hung up.

Dickinson: That’s it, I’m coming down there right now and when I get there you better have those two little rugrats in your office at parade rest with their shoes shined!!!

Heather: Uh yes sir, right away sir.

Dickinson: And you better have my tax initiative written up and ready for the council to vote on!! .. And I’ve changed my mind, forget 8%!! I want to see a 10% sales tax and another 20% tax supplement to Natomas residents… those idiots will never even notice. Now do it and do it NOW!

Heather: Ok but I have a green conference I have to–

:click:

Heather: — go to in China [dejected]  .. awww poop [ice clinks in glass again]

:click:

Of course this call transcript is not real. It is satire to  highlight the obvious fraternal bond between Fargo, Tretheway and Fong and the absurdity of this anti-gang tax that seeks to penalize the working class, and throw OUR money at only ONE of the crime problems that have led to Sacramento being ranked #2 in violent crime in all of California, only behind Oakland. The tax is “well intended,” but it is untimely, unplanned, hurried, and myopic.

Is it any coincidence that Fong, Fargo and Tretheway all share the same political consultant, Richie Ross?  Are you ok with that? Or does that seem like a fairly significant conflict of interest? Do you even care?

CALL TO ACTION:
Email or call your council person and tell them you A) Do NOT approve of this shortsighted, hurried tax; and B) Demand there be a new law/rule/whatever put in place to ensure city council members NEVER share the same political consultant.